when you least expect it...

honestly, this week was probably one of the worst weeks so far.
parents constantly on my case, school is just..school, and im still really stress about the future...
its terrifying not knowing if you'll get into college or where you'll end up after high school.
i mean i cant wait to get out of high school but really? were now beginning our lifes.
beginning the next step to our careers. and what if i dont make it in the music world?
or what if photojournalism goes down the drain? yeah overthink things too much.
but this friday when i least expected it, i was talking to one of my best friends derek
and told him how i wanted to be a wedding photographer. He told me how his company
was looking for a photographer and how he DOES weddings!
honestly if i didn't go into the media room that day i probably wouldn't have talked to him about it.
...fate? hahaha everything happens for a reason whether good or bad.
and when the bad comes along, theres always something good that God brings your way.
and honestly why am i so worried about the future?
one of my best friends mariel put it really well
"God will lead me to where i am ment to be."
whatever you're ment to do, you'll do it.
just have the drive, passion, and try your hardest to get there.
you never know what might happen.
<3

so back to song writing at 2:30 in the morning...oh i've miss you.

(verse one and chorus, its a start:)

here we go
were back to the same old thing,
and every single night
you creep up on me
and in every single dream
you get the best of me..

oh i wish you could see the signs
or maybe even connect the lines.
ohh baby i could drown in your love
and i would never let go, oh.
i'll keep you safe in my heart.

500 days of Summer

best summer movie/best soundtrack :

1. (500) Days of Summer -  A Story of Boy Meets Girl

2. Regina Spektor - Us

3. The Smiths - There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

4. The Black Lips - Bad Kids

5. The Smiths - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

6. The Doves - There Goes the Fear

7. Hall & Oats - You Make My Dreams

8. The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition

9. Carla Bruni - Quelqu'un M'a Dit

10. Feist - Mushaboom

11. Regina Spektor - Hero

12. Simon and Garfunkel - Bookends

13. Wolfmother - Vagabond

14. Mumm-ra - She's Got You High

15. Meaghan Smith - Here Comes Your Man

16. She & Him - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want (Smiths Cover)

oh yeah and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a fox. end of story.

heart of glass.

everyday you try your best to be the best you can be. sometimes you fall and sometimes you rise. with every relationship you build you hope it'll last forever. but when cancer takes its toll, anything can change within a blink of an eye. and every moment should be cherished. the last visit or the last phone call. it feels like every time i think about it and see your face, i just break down. its just crazy how one second you're here and the next you're not. but i know and hope that you are happier and in a better place.

rest in peace, i love you so much<3

hello july...

you've looked pretty good so far.
weekends. weekends. weekends. gotta love them :]<3

Friday:
NO SUMMER SCHOOL! YES! but i had to work. 11am-10pm straight. Thankfully, i made up to 1400 in sales. Business has been really slow so thats pretty good for these hard times. Well, after work I went to Blockbuster for the first time in a really looong time haha and rented some movies and bought popcorn :] It was about 12am and vivian came over and we watched the movie Milk for government. I was so exhausted and sadly fell asleep before the ending which was the whole reason I wanted to watch it in the first place. I've been doing that alot lately. I watch So You Think You Can Dance on thursday and fell asleep right before the elimination..stupid huh?

Saturday:
Fourth of July was a holiday well spent. I hung out with my two favorite girls, Mariel and Carol and we saw fireworks in LA. "I'M IN LA TRICKKKKK" What more could you ask for? Whenever im with these girls its ALWAYS a new adventure. I could not imagine my life without them :]<3 not a second goes by without laughter when im with them. “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.” Then after our amazing adventure I came home and decided to watch Slumdog Millionaire for the first time with my daddy. It was such a great movie! Now i know why everyone was taking about it so much. My dad kind of fell asleep during the ending because it was pretty late but i explained it to him afterwards.

But wow, the house feels so empty lately. Things just haven't been the same with my mom out of the country. I miss her so much! I just not used to it. The saying is so true you never really truly know how lucky you are until its gone. Well, my mom isn't really GONE but shes away helping my grandma. I spoke to my grandma finally, and right when i began to speak she started crying. I'm really emotional too so, of course, i started crying. It just hurts so much to know that i might not even get a chance to see her again. and i hate the language barrier. It's funny how I knew polish when i was little and now its just gone and i can only say a few words. Same thing goes for Arabic. It kind of felt like I never really got a chance to have the relationships most people have with their grandparents especially because mine are in separate parts of the world. And now that both my grandpas have past and are in heaven, i feel really unsettled still. Have you ever really wanted to go back in the past and just do something differently? Well for me, I just really wish I grew up and continued learning both languages.

Sunday: Early wake up and church time! Being at church was so refreshing. Every time while the priest speaks, after all the readings, dont you feel like atleast one thing he says applies to your life? Whether its about something small or big theres always something that applies to you. There's always something you can leave there and recieve there. A prayer here and a lesson there. But it also felt really empty without my mom sitting next to me singing her heart out as usual. I miss that so much :[ As much as in the moment parents can be a total pain, i honestly can't go much longer without her. Talking on the phone is just not enough, i want to be able to hung her every morning like always :[ Welll, after church was more work. Everyday were get some crazy people. And by 1:00 came around my brother came! Its always really nice seeing him, even though he lives in santa barbra im always really happy when he comes down :] After he came, we started talking and then he started telling me about how proud he was of me for what i've been doing lately and it just made me happy that i could help and be a part of this and make things run more smoothly. He is the one person that i always want to make proud. He has such high expectations for me and i really want to live up to them. When 630 hit i headed over to for another Soprano sectional! I made Sunday nights potluck nights! i love the sopranos! Being section leader is really hard though. Its hard to accommodate to everyone. And i really want to make sure that the sopranos are fully prepared for testing the first week of school and know all their music. Hopefully it will continue to run smoothly. Then afterwards my brother and dad picked me up and we went out for thai food. Our favorite :] We had a lot of laughs as usual and just talked about everything. Then we headed home and my brother went back to SB because he has a early class tomorrow. And i went upstairs to my room.
and now im here writing this blog at 230am, listening to music, and i cannot fall asleep. I really dont want to go to summer school tomorrow and i have no clue how im going to wake up! Why call it summer when you have school still? lol. I really want this summer to last a really long time. Senior year is going to be so stressful.
well, i better try to fall asleep now and stop rambling or else i wont wake up for summer school,
goodnight world.

"it’s a totally mixed up world we live in. its all very confusing. i certainly don’t understand it, but i find it beautiful nonetheless" -marc jacobs<3