when you least expect it...

honestly, this week was probably one of the worst weeks so far.
parents constantly on my case, school is just..school, and im still really stress about the future...
its terrifying not knowing if you'll get into college or where you'll end up after high school.
i mean i cant wait to get out of high school but really? were now beginning our lifes.
beginning the next step to our careers. and what if i dont make it in the music world?
or what if photojournalism goes down the drain? yeah overthink things too much.
but this friday when i least expected it, i was talking to one of my best friends derek
and told him how i wanted to be a wedding photographer. He told me how his company
was looking for a photographer and how he DOES weddings!
honestly if i didn't go into the media room that day i probably wouldn't have talked to him about it.
...fate? hahaha everything happens for a reason whether good or bad.
and when the bad comes along, theres always something good that God brings your way.
and honestly why am i so worried about the future?
one of my best friends mariel put it really well
"God will lead me to where i am ment to be."
whatever you're ment to do, you'll do it.
just have the drive, passion, and try your hardest to get there.
you never know what might happen.
<3

so back to song writing at 2:30 in the morning...oh i've miss you.

(verse one and chorus, its a start:)

here we go
were back to the same old thing,
and every single night
you creep up on me
and in every single dream
you get the best of me..

oh i wish you could see the signs
or maybe even connect the lines.
ohh baby i could drown in your love
and i would never let go, oh.
i'll keep you safe in my heart.

500 days of Summer

best summer movie/best soundtrack :

1. (500) Days of Summer -  A Story of Boy Meets Girl

2. Regina Spektor - Us

3. The Smiths - There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

4. The Black Lips - Bad Kids

5. The Smiths - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

6. The Doves - There Goes the Fear

7. Hall & Oats - You Make My Dreams

8. The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition

9. Carla Bruni - Quelqu'un M'a Dit

10. Feist - Mushaboom

11. Regina Spektor - Hero

12. Simon and Garfunkel - Bookends

13. Wolfmother - Vagabond

14. Mumm-ra - She's Got You High

15. Meaghan Smith - Here Comes Your Man

16. She & Him - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want (Smiths Cover)

oh yeah and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a fox. end of story.

heart of glass.

everyday you try your best to be the best you can be. sometimes you fall and sometimes you rise. with every relationship you build you hope it'll last forever. but when cancer takes its toll, anything can change within a blink of an eye. and every moment should be cherished. the last visit or the last phone call. it feels like every time i think about it and see your face, i just break down. its just crazy how one second you're here and the next you're not. but i know and hope that you are happier and in a better place.

rest in peace, i love you so much<3

hello july...

you've looked pretty good so far.
weekends. weekends. weekends. gotta love them :]<3

Friday:
NO SUMMER SCHOOL! YES! but i had to work. 11am-10pm straight. Thankfully, i made up to 1400 in sales. Business has been really slow so thats pretty good for these hard times. Well, after work I went to Blockbuster for the first time in a really looong time haha and rented some movies and bought popcorn :] It was about 12am and vivian came over and we watched the movie Milk for government. I was so exhausted and sadly fell asleep before the ending which was the whole reason I wanted to watch it in the first place. I've been doing that alot lately. I watch So You Think You Can Dance on thursday and fell asleep right before the elimination..stupid huh?

Saturday:
Fourth of July was a holiday well spent. I hung out with my two favorite girls, Mariel and Carol and we saw fireworks in LA. "I'M IN LA TRICKKKKK" What more could you ask for? Whenever im with these girls its ALWAYS a new adventure. I could not imagine my life without them :]<3 not a second goes by without laughter when im with them. “Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.” Then after our amazing adventure I came home and decided to watch Slumdog Millionaire for the first time with my daddy. It was such a great movie! Now i know why everyone was taking about it so much. My dad kind of fell asleep during the ending because it was pretty late but i explained it to him afterwards.

But wow, the house feels so empty lately. Things just haven't been the same with my mom out of the country. I miss her so much! I just not used to it. The saying is so true you never really truly know how lucky you are until its gone. Well, my mom isn't really GONE but shes away helping my grandma. I spoke to my grandma finally, and right when i began to speak she started crying. I'm really emotional too so, of course, i started crying. It just hurts so much to know that i might not even get a chance to see her again. and i hate the language barrier. It's funny how I knew polish when i was little and now its just gone and i can only say a few words. Same thing goes for Arabic. It kind of felt like I never really got a chance to have the relationships most people have with their grandparents especially because mine are in separate parts of the world. And now that both my grandpas have past and are in heaven, i feel really unsettled still. Have you ever really wanted to go back in the past and just do something differently? Well for me, I just really wish I grew up and continued learning both languages.

Sunday: Early wake up and church time! Being at church was so refreshing. Every time while the priest speaks, after all the readings, dont you feel like atleast one thing he says applies to your life? Whether its about something small or big theres always something that applies to you. There's always something you can leave there and recieve there. A prayer here and a lesson there. But it also felt really empty without my mom sitting next to me singing her heart out as usual. I miss that so much :[ As much as in the moment parents can be a total pain, i honestly can't go much longer without her. Talking on the phone is just not enough, i want to be able to hung her every morning like always :[ Welll, after church was more work. Everyday were get some crazy people. And by 1:00 came around my brother came! Its always really nice seeing him, even though he lives in santa barbra im always really happy when he comes down :] After he came, we started talking and then he started telling me about how proud he was of me for what i've been doing lately and it just made me happy that i could help and be a part of this and make things run more smoothly. He is the one person that i always want to make proud. He has such high expectations for me and i really want to live up to them. When 630 hit i headed over to for another Soprano sectional! I made Sunday nights potluck nights! i love the sopranos! Being section leader is really hard though. Its hard to accommodate to everyone. And i really want to make sure that the sopranos are fully prepared for testing the first week of school and know all their music. Hopefully it will continue to run smoothly. Then afterwards my brother and dad picked me up and we went out for thai food. Our favorite :] We had a lot of laughs as usual and just talked about everything. Then we headed home and my brother went back to SB because he has a early class tomorrow. And i went upstairs to my room.
and now im here writing this blog at 230am, listening to music, and i cannot fall asleep. I really dont want to go to summer school tomorrow and i have no clue how im going to wake up! Why call it summer when you have school still? lol. I really want this summer to last a really long time. Senior year is going to be so stressful.
well, i better try to fall asleep now and stop rambling or else i wont wake up for summer school,
goodnight world.

"it’s a totally mixed up world we live in. its all very confusing. i certainly don’t understand it, but i find it beautiful nonetheless" -marc jacobs<3

Take a step forward...

i am constantly encountering so many friends that deserve so much more. They end up getting hurt by the guy they have been going out with for a year, who ends up going for another girl. They constantly fight with the guy and he ends up treating them badly and even using them. Or there is just a lack of love in general. To all of you, i know its hard. I KNOW. Sometimes you find a guy that's everything you've ever wanted, but hes just not interested or doesn't even know how you feel. Or sometimes you pour your heart out for a year and in the end he ends up stabbing you in the back. Its unfortunate that we have to encounter these type of hardships. But i believe that with these hardships comes a step forward. You'll take what you've learned from this and one day when you find 'the one' you'll be able to create the greatest relationship possible. Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes you have to fall to climb back up again. When everything seems to just come crashing down, don't get frustrated, it can only go up from here. Life is full of surprises. When you least expect it something can happen good or bad. And there is nothing we can do to control it. BUT there is something we can do from here. Move forward and just LIVE. Each day is a new beginning and a blessing. Your life is yours to live. Make choices, try to live with no regrets, cherish friendships and gain friendships, and love and be loved. Don't ever lose who you really are because that is a beautiful soul<3

"Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason"

Vintage Vogue 20's - 60's

i wish fashion was still like this today. Everything was just more interesting. Especially during world wars and the cold war. And Vogue had more of a elegant look to it. lets bring it back ;]

decades:

1920's

1930's

1940's

1950's

1960's

even though it might come crashing down...

"I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries."
— Theodore Isaac Rubin

no matter what happens, know that i love you so much<3

life.

i hate goodbyes. its the worst part of life. whether its expected or unexpected..
and whats a good goodbye? haha. i feel like no goodbye is good enough. if that makes any sense.

and i hate regret...
i dont want to live my life with any regrets, but of course its bound to happen.
"the future is now" ...thats what ive been trying to live by..dont plan for the future or put things off.. plan for now because now is what you might only have. within a second your whole life can change. for good or bad and sometimes you just have to LIVE.
i'd rather live then just exist

<3

whos ready for summer?!

i sure am :] & im so done with schooll. but we still have like 2 more weeks :\ shoot me pleaseeeee. BUT summer is going to be so much fun! :P

anyways, ill keep this blog short
please come to the chamber farewell concert sunday @ 3 in the Oneonta Congregational Church on 1515 Garfield Ave, South Pasadena :] it'll be an afternoon to remember
i cannot believe the year is over. Chamber has honestly been one of the best parts of my life
and i will always remember every single moment with chamber 08-09. i love you guys<33


"not to say goodbyee"

LOVEalways,
Nataliaaaa.

goodbye april hello may...

wow, time is going by so quickly. BUT I cannot wait till summer!
im pretty sure im going to the open call for american apparel tomorrow. wish me luck :P
I need to get a job so badly! And i LOVE american apparel,
all my money basically goes there so why not work there? haha.

yeah so i cant sleep, again. idk why but lately i havent been falling asleep till around 2.
a lot of the time i just lay in bed and think. I've been doing that a lot lately.
Its weird to think how quickly things can change, and it changes right in front of you.
A lot of the time you dont even notice. But when you finally do, it kind of scares you.
It feels almost unreal. do you know what I mean? Life can be so strange.

well anyways, april was a really fun month!
I went to peru, the beach, had a bonfire, I went on a photo safari with jonathan and diandra in hollywood and while we were there i went to amoeba for the first time, I went to cue (of course), saw hannah montana (pretty amazing movie haha), and just hung out with friends, alot.
hopefully may will bring even more ;]




well, i better go off to bed.
lovelovelove,
Natalia


p.s. ive been trying to write a blog for like a week now and it never worked :\
i hate my computer.

Sometimes...

i wish things could just work out or not be so complicated.
its like everyone else is doing fine execpt for you.
You look around and see how happy people are and wonder what you did wrong...
And you put on a fake smile to hide behind.
i never really understood how it happened. it just did. slowly fading..
and its been going on for 3 years. i just dont get how people can be so fake sometimes.
Honestly, sometimes i wish i could be a little kid again, everything was so much better.
And no one was fake. I'd rather be around people who are excepting.
Thats why i love my close and true friends. They're always there by my side.
And i am so thankful to have them in my life.
One true friend can out number 100 fake ones. And thank God for them.

well anyways, tonight was fun<3 and tomorrow will be the same! BONFIRE IN NEWPORT! cant wait :] p.s. did i say how amazing peru was?




i took these in lima, i think :]

lovealways,
Natalia.

Off to...

PERU! goodbye & see you on the 12th<3>

So Its...

Saturday afternoon, and im STILL sick.
and now im watching Hercules,
which is by far the best movie of all time :]
i havent been at school for the past couple days and im SOO behind!
i just cant wait till spring break!
WOW, this year has past by so fast...
is it just me or does every year just get faster and faster?
lately everything has just been going downhill.
I can't wait for things to pick up..
i just want to go to college already.
i cannot wait to get out of high school.
anyways come see closing night of the Pajama Game tonight at 730<3 style="font-weight: bold;">

EVENTS COMING UP!

March 29: Cast Party
April 4-12: Peru Trip with SMCC/ Spring Break
May 15: Pop Concert
May 17: LACC picnic
May 31: SMCC Farewell concert :'[
June 11: LAST DAY OF SCHOOL
and lots of stuff in between..

lovelovelove<3

Im tired...

I'm tired of pretending
like i dont care.
like it doesnt matter at all.
that its okay
because its not. :\

be mine...

i love post a secret <3
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS

What a great speech he gave to today.
His speech was well delivered and uplifting
of course the economy will not get better immediately
but yes, i believe there is hope.

what a night <3

wow, thank you to everyone who came tonight!
i hope everyone had a greatt time
it was by far the greatest birthday
dinner anyone could as for!
another year older and im so glad i got to spend it
with the friends i loooooveee<3333
after carol, mariel, atty, and i went to cue! (of course)
honestly, i'd go to cue every day if i could :P
then we came back to my house, ate leftovers,
and watched SPICE WORLD!
i forgot how much i LOVED that movie
and the guy who comes out of the toilet STILL
creeps me out! but yeah what a great weekend :]
Was it just me or did it feel really short?
i cannot believe tomorrows sunday already
well i guess today its already 1:30
lol i cant seem to fall asleep tonight
im just listening to music on youtube
and writing this blog haha.
anyways, i hope everyone had a great
weekend!
lovelovelove,
Natalia.